Reflection on Karma Clearing Program - 3 years of attempt!!!

Three years completed since I started attempting the great "Karma Clearing Program".  When I started it on the 27th of September 2011, I was hoping that I would clear it in the first attempt itself like any other test I have attempted to; this was in spite of the author warning that in his many years of practice he has cleared it only twice. There was a bit of (no, a lot of) overconfidence in me that made me think like that!!

After two years of trying, the rules I was skeptical were no criticism and no expression of dissatisfaction. But, now I realize how these rules are interwoven. Modern psychologists talk about HALT - especially in "Addiction Recovery". When you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired it is very easy to feel depressed or tempted to consume alcohol or drugs; so they advice the patient to be watchful of the HALT state and resolve it quickly.  But if you observe the karma clearing program, the rules will get you into HALT state(s) and expect you to behave yourselves. It takes highest discipline not to express dissatisfaction and criticism when you are in any of the HALT states.

• The "One major meal a day" rule will make you feel hungry most of the time through the day.
• Any introspection will reveal the conflicting thoughts and feelings within you. That will easily make you feel angry at yourselves; you may easily think that others are causing you to feel those conflicting feelings if you are not careful :-)
• When you recall the day in reverse and observe your thoughts & actions, you are alone mentally even if you are middle of thousands of people. When you try helping someone without leaving a trace, you are trying to be alone.
• The "Arise Earlier" rule will make you feel tired because your sleep quota reduces and because of the physical activity you need to do in that one hour.

To be precise, you are in all states of HALT on each day and you are trying to recover from the addiction of expressing dissatisfaction and criticism. Please note, this does not mean that you should or can run away from your duties. If your role needs you to review and give feedback, you should without expressing your dissatisfaction and give the review in an objective manner! In professional roles, it is fairly easier; because, all of us know if we need work done by our peers, bosses, subordinates, clients, suppliers we can not express ourselves  as freely. We have learnt how to mask ourselves nicely.

But in personal roles it is very tough - especially with those who can do nothing for you, it gets even tougher!! Character is how you treat those who can do nothing for you. But if you think deeper, the moment you consider someone as small and be proud that you are treating them well, your character dies. You are only not expressing how you feel. This is mental garbage again! It will come out as dissatisfaction at some point in time! The only way is to consider every one equally and have no pride in doing so; better way to put it is, understand that all are equal and they are right in their own ways. I think, this is one of the two biggest realizations I got this year, the other being relationship between the nine rules and HALT.

In the last one year, I felt conflicted many times when the professional trainings expected me to give feedback at the personal level; it is in contradiction with what I am trying to achieve! Not only that, I had to work closely with someone who considers himself (only himself) as content & process authority and interested in giving constant feedback. So in addition to managing the anger generated by my own introspections, observations of my thoughts & actions, I had to handle the anger being generated by the constant feedbacks - sometimes meaningful, sometimes not! Hmm… it was and is tough!!

I can't say that there is major improvement in the nine-rule program in the last one year. I am still trying and feel it is worth keep trying till I succeed!!